Love Me
by wintergenisis
Summary: 30 Day OTP Challenge (NSFW version) [a different pairing each day] - Day 2: Kisses (Naked) ;; Alfred and Ivan are lazing on the couch after one round of sex, but things soon get heated again. Also an argument occurs and there is some angst?
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: Hetalia belongs to Hima-papa.**_

 **30 Day OTP Challenge (NSFW Version) My Way - aka a different pairing each time!~ aka I don't have an OTP because I can't pick!**

 **Day 2: Kissing (Naked)**

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Alfred wasn't sure what time it was, anymore. The blinds were shut, the room pitch black but for the grey static of the TV. He got shakily to his feet from Ivan's lap – but apparently Ivan wasn't so sure about the American's ability to walk. He flung his hand forward to grip his hip in a move that looked almost instinctive.

Alfred smiled softly, gently brushing away the hand. "I'm fine."

His lower back hurt and his ass felt like it'd just gotten split in two, but he was America! If he couldn't walk after sex that would be pretty unheroic of him.

He strolled into his kitchen and pulled two waters from the refrigerator before going back to the living room, picking up the remote, turning off the TV and dumping himself back into Ivan's lap. The older man sort of huffed at the sudden weight, but didn't complain, his thick arms winding around Alfred's waist. Alfred pressed his back to the Russian's chest as he craned his neck around to see those pretty violet eyes. He pressed a cold bottle of water to the man's cheek.

"For you." He chirped.

One of Ivan's eyebrows twitched upward and he snatched the bottle, humming in thanks as he opened it and took a long swig. Alfred sighed, taking a sip from his own.

It was strange, being here with this man who for so long he'd considered an enemy. Frankly, he still considered Russia an enemy… He often wondered if the Cold War had ever really ended. Sure, they didn't have nukes openly aimed at each other any longer, but…

"What is on your mind, подсолнечник? You've gone quiet."

For a moment, Alfred didn't respond. He twisted around to wrap his arms around Ivan's neck, his eyes trailing down the man's broad, scarred chest.

His lover was _beautiful._

"Nothing." He lied with a smile.

Ivan's hand was drifting softly up his spine. "Are you perhaps tired, then?"

Alfred shook his head before leaning in to press a kiss to the other's lips, which Ivan happily returned. It was a lazy kiss, a sweet kiss. Alfred's tongue entered Ivan's mouth softly, gently tangling with the Russian's, almost stroking it, and Ivan hummed in what Alfred hoped was contentment. He ran his fingers through that soft, white barley colored hair and pulled back, only to press their foreheads together.

It was so rare that Alfred could be with Ivan like this… In this calm, sweet atmosphere, just simply being themselves – being lovers, and nothing more. Everything else seemed to fall away in these moments they had together.

Alfred squirmed a bit, trying to get himself better situated on Ivan's lap to face him. He straddled the Russian's hips and sighed happily when he was in a position he liked.

Ivan, however, had a suspicious eyebrow raised, his face holding the kind of expression that said, _What are you up to?_ Alfred couldn't help but laugh at that face, making the other frown.

"I love you." Alfred said, out of the blue, the jovial smile on his face not moving an inch.

Ivan blushed heavily and looked away, as was always the case when Alfred said such things. The American didn't expect a reply. He rarely received one. Sure, it made him uncomfortable. It made him question what their relationship was really about sometimes. When Ivan did vocally return the sentiment, Alfred always wondered if it was a lie.

There was so little trust between them.

Instead of lingering on these thoughts – Alfred's chest was beginning to clench in a painful sort of way, the way he hated most – the boy darted in to nip Ivan's lower lip, perhaps a little harder than would be advised. Ivan grunted quietly and narrowed his eyes. Alfred just grinned and came back to lick that lip, but not lingering long enough for a kiss – his lips moved on, onto Ivan's jaw, his neck, his ear, giving nips and bites and kisses and licks. He pressed his body even closer to Ivan's and let his mouth hover over the man's ear. Alfred knew this spot was sensitive for him, and was satisfied when he felt a small tremor run through the Russian's body.

He grinned. "I wanna go again." He murmured.

Alfred couldn't see him, but he knew Ivan was rolling his eyes. "You are like a demanding child."

The American huffed irritably at that. He wouldn't dignify that with a response. Suddenly there was a hand in his hair and he was being pulled away from Ivan's neck and to his lips instead. The kiss was hot and insistent this time and it went straight to Alfred's groin. He'd always been weak for kisses.

Ivan's large hands slid down his back and cupped his ass, and Alfred broke away suddenly.

"Want you," He breathed, eyes hazy with lust. He pressed his hips into Ivan's and mumbled against his lips, " _Want_ ," as if he needed to emphasize this.

A hand suddenly cracked across his ass making him yelp and jump.

"Slut." Ivan muttered darkly.

Alfred's cock was completely erect, pressing against Ivan's abdomen. He bit his lip. He would never admit it but he loved it when Ivan talked like that to him.

He felt Ivan's teeth sink into his neck and he gasped, his blunt nails digging into Ivan's back. He could feel the Russian's member against his own, and he grit his teeth, pressing his hips forward again.

"C'mon!" He bit out impatiently.

Ivan just snorted against Alfred's neck. He ran his tongue once over the mark he'd just made before demanding, "Ride me."

Alfred nodded, and positioned himself over the other's cock. He slid down slowly, biting his lip but unable to completely prevent a moan from slipping out. Those icey lavender orbs tracked his every move in a lustful gaze, and Alfred shivered. Ivan was not small, and even though they'd just done it not an hour ago, it took a moment for Alfred to ease himself comfortably down to the thick base of the Russian's cock. Ivan didn't rush him, simply leaned back and ran a hand up Alfred's chest. A blush rose up to Alfred's cheeks, just a light dusting of pale rose on sun kissed skin. He began moving, lifting his hips up, slowly, before lowering himself again. The motion was sluggish but it made him gasp and clench his eyes shut. He put a hand on Ivan's abdomen to stabilize himself, and tried to go faster, pushing up, and back down.

He soon got up to a good pace – it had been a good while since he'd been in this position, he'd needed a moment to get used to it again – and Ivan suddenly met his hips in a sharp thrust. Alfred choked on a surprised moan and quickly tried (and failed) to cover the sound. It was too late when he remembered that was something Ivan _hated_.

The Russian harshly canted his hips upward and tugged on Alfred's hair, forcing his head even with Ivan's. The look on Ivan's face made the boy's cock twitch.

"I do not like it when you cover your voice." He growled. "You _will_ sing for me."

Alfred whimpered in response.

Ivan's fist loosened in his hair, and he rubbed the scalp gently. "Do you want me to take over?"

Alfred nodded quickly. Suddenly he was on his back with the Russian between his legs. Ivan dug his fingers into the bottom of Alfred's thighs, pushing his legs against his chest as he thrust deeper and harder. Alfred moaned. This was a huge improvement from the previous position.

"More," he pleaded weakly. "More, please…" a strangled sound of pleasure left his lips as Ivan suddenly hit his prostate. He twisted under the larger man. "Ivan…" he keened, "Your cock… so good…"

Alfred always said things like that half on purpose, just to see that sweet blush on his lover's cheeks, to feel the stutter in his hips as though he were caught off guard. Alfred lifted a hand to run it lazily through Ivan's dampening hair, and action so disparate with the hard, desperate fucking he was currently receiving. He could feel Ivan, long and hard inside him and he let out another breathy plea, for what though, he was no longer certain.

"Look at me."

Alfred blinked, turning his head to stare up at Ivan. Had he closed his eyes just then? He caught a rare flash of emotion in those cold, calculating eyes – a soft, gentle thing locked in a wall of ice.

Alfred allowed Ivan to pin his hands above his head. The Russian was breathing heavily now and suddenly the boy was filled with the hope that he would come soon, that he would help _Alfred_ come. His swollen cock bounced against his belly, and everything just hurt and ached and –

"Ivan, please I wanna come!" The words tumbled from his lips like a prayer, his expression turned desperate. The man had been hitting his prostate in a touch and go way, and Alfred fucking _knew_ he could do better.

The asshole was fucking teasing him.

Said asshole leaned into Alfred, groaning in his ear. "Блядь, I love when you beg."

Alfred clamped a hand over his face and let out a loud groan when Ivan thrust into his prostate, but Ivan tore the hand away.

"I said _look at me_." He hissed against Alfred's lips.

Alfred mindlessly kissed him, desperately and messily because he was there, right there, against his lips and he could feel Ivan's breath and oh –

He was going to explode.

" _Ivan…"_ His fingers raked up Ivan's back in a desperate reach for _release_ and he let out a garbled moan. "Please _touch_ me…"

The Russian obeyed almost immediately, shoving a hand between their bodies and pumping Alfred's dick. His hand slid up and down so easily – the boy hadn't realized that there was so much precum or sweat. But Ivan's forehead had a sheen to it, the tops of his shoulders, and his neck, and Alfred leaned up and lapped like a dog at the other's collarbone to taste it, emitting frantic sounds of pleasure and need and suddenly he dropped backward again. His body twitched, arching stiffly as wave after wave of pleasure rocked through his entire being. He was vaguely aware of his name being hoarsely called and as a feeling of warmth suddenly hit him, Alfred immediately broke from his pleasure high. He could feel Ivan's semen, wet and warm and liquidy inside him, and he stayed as still as a statue. "

Ivan?"

The larger man was flopping on Alfred's chest, probably feeling too lazy to move, obviously too lazy to even pull out. Alfred squirmed in discomfort as he felt the other's cock soften inside him, leaving him with the sensation of a wet noodle up his ass.

"Hmm?"

"Get off of me." His tone was neutral, but this was clearly not a request. "You came inside."

Ivan bolted upward. "Oh." He at least had the decency to appear guilty. He knew how Alfred felt about that. "Sorry… I just… got carried away."

"Mhmm. Help me to the bathroom, you enormous ass."

Ivan just nodded and helped Alfred up off of the couch. The boy limped into the bathroom on the other's arm, and sat on the toilet, heaving a little as he heard globs of semen hit the water. Ivan was running a cloth under water in the sink to wipe himself down with. After he'd rinsed it he handed it to Alfred. The American took it quietly and wiped down his abdomen, where his own come had splattered.

"Sorry." Ivan repeated.

Alfred just rolled his eyes and stood up, flushing the toilet. "Look, its fine. I get it happens sometimes."

There was a pause before Ivan spoke again. "Shower, or bed?"

Alfred raised up his arms and leaned back, stretching long and well. "I'm tired, dude. Let's go to bed. We can just shower in the morning, yeah?"

Ivan nodded, looking at him for a moment. Alfred just leaned against the wall, an eyebrow ticked upward.

"What?"

Ivan shrugged. "It is nothing." He replied with a shake of the head.

Alfred nodded, but didn't entirely believe him. Actually he had something of his own he wanted to ask.

"Do you not want me to tell you I love you?"

Ivan was on his way out the door, heading to the stairs when Alfred asked. He stopped, his body going visibly stiff, and he turned around slowly. His expression was guarded.

"I… would rather not hear it, yes."

Alfred heart dropped. "Oh."

It must've shown on his face or in his voice, because he suddenly had a rather concerned looking Ivan cupping his cheeks, tilting his head up to meet his eyes.

"Do you love me, though?" He asked. The question was a serious one, there was no hint of mocking whatsoever.

The boy stared at Ivan, a bit shocked that he would even ask. "Yes." He responded quietly.

"Then be patient with me."

"… I'm sorry?"

"Be patient with me."

Alfred shook his head. "I… don't understand."

Ivan sighed and dropped his hands before looking away. He grabbed Alfred's hand after a moment and began pulling him to the stairs.

"I… have lived for very long. You, not so much. I am cynical and cold, but you… You are open and warm."

It seemed to Alfred that Ivan was just citing differences between the two of them. He felt uneasy, being told how much younger than Ivan he was – he was well aware this Nation was older and wiser, but it made Alfred feel somehow inadequate.

"I don't…" _understand…_

"I have lost faith in most things." Ivan explained. They stood at the door of Alfred's room now, and the Russian turned to look at him. "This cannot last."

 _This_ was probably referring to the relationship he and Alfred currently shared. The thought scared Alfred.

"Do you want this to stop?"

"I did not say that."

"But… you said –"

"I said this cannot last."

Alfred bit his lip and looked at the floor. "It could."

"Hmm?"

"I said it could."

Ivan shook his head. "You are young. You do not know. Do you think we would have done this during the Cold War?"

"Yes!" Was the immediate response. Ivan's eyebrows rose at that. "It's like you don't know me at all!" The American complained. "If – if you did fall for me," _like I have for you,_ "Then we would make it work! If I loved someone and didn't think I could be with them just because of stupid things our leaders are doing, then my love wouldn't be worth a _damn_!" Alfred was almost shouting now. "My feelings – my personal life has nothing to do with politics or orders my boss gives me! I can't help any of those things, but I _can_ help who I get close to for friendship and who I love."

Ivan was looking at him skeptically. Alfred didn't like that look.

"If you were told to attack the one you were in love with, what would you do? If you were told to murder their people indiscriminately, what would you do?" The Russian's voice lowered dangerously. "If you were commanded to let the bomb drop, could you do it? Could you ever pull the trigger on the one you loved if it were an order?"

By mid-rant though, Alfred had steeled his expression. "Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" he growled. "Just because I _let_ you fuck me doesn't make me less of a Nation."

"That has _nothing_ to do with –"

"I'm mother fucking America!" Alfred roared in Ivan's face. "I will fucking do what is best for my people! How fucking _dare_ you underestimate me? How fucking **_dare_** you insinuate my feelings will get in the way of my work?"

Ivan captured Alfred's lips in a kiss so gentle and tender that it caught the boy completely off guard, and for a few seconds he didn't push the other away.

"What the fuck?"

Ivan didn't meet Alfred's eyes. "Alfred… I do not have a way with words. I spoke wrongly and I am sorry for it. I… I, truthfully I don't think for a minute you would allow personal affairs get in the way of your job."

Alfred had almost completely deflated at this point, and was staring at Ivan with a confused expression. "Then… why would you say that?"

Ivan just shook his head.

"I love you, okay? I just… I just do. My feelings aren't something I can do anything about, just like I can't do anything about the tense atmosphere between our countries. I'd love you even if we went to war with you. I'd sneak over to see you, and we wouldn't even have to have sex… just, be together." Alfred was beginning to stumble over his words and he looked away, blushing heavily. He wasn't cut out for declarations of love, he was clumsy at that sort of thing, clumsy and awkward. Sometimes it was just better when he shut his mouth.

A finger pressed softly on his chin, encouraging Alfred to look back at Ivan. "I did say to be patient with me, Да?"

Alfred tilted his head, still not quite understanding. The ghost of a smile quirked Ivan's lips upward and he tugged Alfred into the bedroom.

"We all have something we fear, yes?" Ivan spoke softly into the black silence of the room.

As he got into bed, Alfred followed his lead, tucking himself under the covers but staying on his side. He didn't know if that was exactly a fight they'd had earlier… Would Ivan want to cuddle? He wasn't sure…

"Do you…" Alfred began hesitantly, "Do you fear love?"

For a moment Ivan was quiet, as though considering the question. "Not love." He said finally with a decisive tone. "Not love. I fear what comes out of love… Giving all of you to one person, then that person, they betray you, they throw you away like you are nothing."

Suddenly everything made sense. Alfred's chest tightened painfully for the man next to him, and he decided to inch over to him despite his reservations. Ivan showed him a wary expression, difficult to see in the darkness.

"Is this pity?" He was quiet, but the amount of disgust in his voice nearly repelled the American.

"No. It's… Is it so strange I just want you to be happy?"

A quiet, bitter laugh was Alfred's only response. He squirmed closer.

"Are you angry with me? I know I yelled at you –"

"No." Ivan shifted, putting an arm around Alfred. "I am not mad."

"I'll be patient, okay? I'll be here. I'll still love you when you make a decision, or whatever it is you're doing, so… uh, take your time?"

Ivan squeezed him a bit and leaned over to kiss him, once on the lips, once on the forehead. When his other hand gently ran through Alfred's hair, the boy's eyes fluttered shut, and he simply _existed_ as he reveled in his lover's affections. Alfred settled against Ivan's chest, still uneasy but much less so than earlier. He let his eyes fall shut and prayed that somehow, they would be alright.

* * *

 _ **Translations:**_

 **подсолнечник – sunflower**

 **Блядь – Fuck**

 **Да – yes**

 **Let me know if any of these are incorrect, I just used Google Translate.**

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 **Please please leave a review to tell me how you think I did! I'm really happy with this fic, actually!**


	2. Chapter 2

So I'm going to be taking my account down. This story, and everything else on my account, will be o AO3, so it's not like I'm leaving really. Remember, even as a guest you can r&r on AO3. I have never gotten a message that tells me my work is unfot for this site so I sort of just hoped I'd get lucky and no one would tell me to tone down the sex or whatever. But some fucking coward left a review as a guest that told me... well, you can just read it. It said that I was breaking the rules and I was in danger of this and that or blahblahblah. Anyway, I wanted to let everyone know. And any fic I haven't finished you can trust will be continued, though I'll be working on other things atm.

My AO3 account i [:] / / [/] users [/] Winter [underscore] Genisis [slash] profile

I only just started writing again and i don't want to lose you guys because of some scummy site's shitty rules!


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